If you’re not attracted to anyone, but feel like you don’t fit under the asexual umbrella, you might think there’s something wrong with you. Or, you could be someone who is not attracted to anyone but not asexual. The truth is that having a lack of sexual attraction is common. Many people struggle to find a romantic relationship and connection that inspires them. The inability to feel attracted to someone could be due to several factors, including sexuality, depression, or a lack of confidence in the ability to choose someone wisely based on the failure of a previous relationship. It can also mean that you have not found the right person to inspire feelings of sexual desire. This article explores some reasons why you might not be attracted to people and what you can do about it, as well as explaining asexual orientation and whether it applies to you.
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the shallow trap
many people go through times when they do not experience sexual attraction to anyone or feel that they are not attractive to others. there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. it can be concerning, and teens in middle and high school may find the lack of romantic attraction more problematic than adults. It can feel like the end of the world for young people, and peer pressure can exacerbate the problem.
As we mature and experience long-term relationships, we can begin to broaden our appreciation of people and learn to admire qualities in others that aren’t always immediately apparent. a relationship cannot survive if it is based solely on that initial chemistry attracted by appearances and the sexual desires they can inspire. Physical appearance may be the first thing that draws you in, but having an emotional connection that includes loyal, trusting friendship and honest communication is much more sustainable than the first flash of sexual feelings. And some people just aren’t sexually attracted to others for reasons we don’t fully understand.
different name, different face, same person
Research on the psychology of attraction shows that people who end up in repeated failed marriages and abusive relationships tend to choose partners based on a specific set of characteristics. some traits that may seem attractive or “nice” at the beginning of a relationship can evolve into negative or abusive behaviors. For example, jealousy can cause a person to feel desired early in a relationship but trapped later.
If you feel your relationship has become an abusive experience, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (secure) or 1-800-787-3224 (tty).
reasons for not feeling sexual attraction
depression
there are many reasons why people can become depressed. one reason is the end of a relationship. When someone loses a romantic relationship, it can affect their mood in ways that range from mild to severe, including loss of sexual desire and feelings of attraction to others. when serotonin levels are suppressed, so are the sex hormones that affect libido. Most people experience sadness or even mild depression from time to time, and this is perfectly normal. however, the use of certain antidepressant medications can also interfere with a person’s level of sexual interest.
When a person ends a relationship and no longer feels attracted to others, it can be helpful to go out and participate in pleasant activities. exercise can be especially helpful in overcoming depression and can rekindle feelings of sexual attraction to a specific person. however, dating while depressed can be problematic as it can attract the wrong kind of people and depression can impair judgment. if depressive symptoms are persistent and persist for more than two weeks, seek medical or mental health care.
the pressure of finding “the one”
There are many reasons why people want to get married or have a long-term relationship. it all depends on your specific circumstances. for example, one reason for seeking a close relationship might be to please a parent who is expecting grandchildren. Or, the person may want to experience romantic attraction and a sexual relationship because he feels her biological clock is ticking. it could be escaping personal loneliness and finding security in relationship. or they may feel social pressure to be in a relationship. Many people create checklists of all the qualities their partner “must” have, but forget to consider what will contribute to the relationship beyond initial romantic feelings. If you focus on what you bring to a relationship, meeting someone new can be exciting and could help you feel sexual and romantic attraction by allowing you to focus on your positive qualities that someone else might find attractive.
Am I an asexual person?
Limited attraction to others is called asexuality and is not uncommon; Quite the contrary, as many experts believe that roughly one percent of the entire American population feels the same way. To put that into perspective, that means there are currently 3,290,649 people who are not sexually attracted to anyone like you. for people in the 18-24 age group, up to four percent report identifying as asexual. furthermore, asexuality has many variations, such as aromatic asexual and other sexual and romantic orientations.
asexual people do not necessarily have a medical problem or mental disorder. in fact, there is no evidence to suggest that any chemical or hormonal imbalance causes asexual behavior. some people consider asexuality to be a valid sexual orientation. It could simply mean that you were born with a lower than average level of sexual desire that causes you to not be attracted to anyone. As an asexual person, you can still enjoy emotional or romantic intimacy or platonic attraction to sexual and other asexual people without being sexually attracted to anyone.
Being asexual means that a person does not want to have sex, but can still find happiness in romantic relationships and friendships, despite the fact that much of our society values sex and physical attraction. Furthermore, some asexual people still enjoy sex only through masturbation or experience emotional attraction to other people, minus feelings of sexual desire. With an increase in global acceptance of people with asexual identity, more and more asexual people feel less out of place and more embraced by their close friends and society in general.
ways forward
Not being romantically or sexually attracted to anyone can be confusing. feeling this way could be a lifelong orientation, or it could be a phase the person is experiencing and will pass in the future. Sometimes the best thing you can do for feelings of isolation is to interact with people and focus on deep friendships with people you have a platonic attraction to. This can be difficult at first, but sexual attraction, romance, and feelings of desire are just a part of life. By talking to people when you’re feeling down, it may help you stop worrying about not being attracted to people and make these feelings more likely to come up naturally.
Making changes to your habits won’t always make a difference overnight. The most important thing you can do in this process is to be patient with yourself. try to focus on doing your best and doing what you can without getting too overwhelmed or preoccupied with sexual interest and physical attraction.
Breathing exercises can help if worrying about not being sexually attracted to anyone makes you anxious. these are specific exercises designed to calm you down when you feel stressed. Deep breathing has been shown to lower blood pressure and is a fantastic way to gain mental clarity and relax.
There will be times when it seems like you’re not getting anywhere no matter what you do. These are times when asking for a helping hand may be just what you need to come to terms with being asexual, someone with another atypical romantic orientation, or someone who isn’t attracted to anyone but isn’t asexual. consider discussing your concerns with a betterhelp trained counselor or therapist. this online service offers licensed professionals ready to help from the comfort and privacy of your own home or anywhere else with an internet connection. if you feel like you’re not attracted to anyone and want to find out why, this could be a useful option for you.
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